Life In a Black Hole by H^aGnt'l

Time⁽⁰⁾: Life In a Black Hole by H^aGnt'l

In the macrocosm of neon, there are only four truly important dimensions; off/on (if they can lump time/space, I can lump off/on), color, noise and shape. Noise probably doesn't seem all that important, but if you've ever been around neon lights, you know how garrulous they are. Some whisper, some cackle, some sputter and spit, some hiss, some murmur, some hum as though through a comb, most change pitch as they change colors and shapes...

H^aGnt'l, as he hurtled through space felt himself losing two and a half of his important things. His on was fading to off, taking his color and noise with it. Pretty soon, he'd have off (...with no on, that's like space with no time, or rather, time with no space, since we already have space with no time.), and shape. He was scared. He'd really done it this time.

Astronomers speculate that, at the center (or bottom, if you will) of a black hole, will be found a celestial body of immense density (that means the dirt is tightly packed). Because all matter has gravity, it makes sense that the more matter (dirt) there is the more gravity there is. Pretty soon, the gravitational pull is so strong that even light can't escape from the black hole. Because no light comes from the thing at the bottom of the black hole, we can't see it. It's a little like looking into a deep well. You know there's something down there (especially if you just dropped your pocket knife into it), but you can't see it because there's not enough light. The difference between wells and black holes is the difference between not enough light and no light at all! One could see into a well if one had better vision because some light is being reflected up from the bottom. Any light that hits the celestial body at the bottom of a black hole stays there. Schlerp!

LIFE IN A BLACK HOLE

H^aGnt'l

~t a p^^¤t, I^ beg'n`` ˆeas Œæ£gh I^'d str¢u^k s¢e^^g, a ~‚aher m r`ss pŠrh^aps, a ~tack ^,ot dŒ†pe‡s ^ashe' in"Downy". ~~de^'cen b‚ga '' ‡low ~~ the dŒ†pe‡s c"omp^c`ted b‚e¤ˆah h^. Søøler 'n søøler. ~~r s‰ee‡al l‹g^h ˜yˆer¦, I^ søøled.

(English, H^aGnt'l! English!)

(In the above passage, H^aGnt'l is saying that, at some point, the speed of his descent into the black hole began to slow.--Ed.)

It was more a matter of the thought of slowing, the idea of it, than it was something I could actually feel. And, as I recall the sensation now, I seem to remember that it was my own idea to slow down. I vaguely remember being afraid that I'd splatter myself against the star if I didn't slow down. So, I slowed. At length, I came to a halt.

And, there I was.

Where? Or, wr^e, as we say in Aeonian. (Roughly: I know I am here, but where to next, and why me?--Ed.)

Actually, Ed., my condition was not strictly wr^e: I knew precisely where I was, of course. I was here. I even knew that here was inside a black hole. And, I was lost, i.e., I didn't know how to return. (Lost is, in fact, a commonly misused concept in English. Used in the first person, being lost doesn't mean not knowing where one is, that rarely happens; it means not knowing how to get back to where one was. "I don't know where I am" is a silly statement to make unless one has been deprived of all one's senses, including the sense of oneself. If one can say "I am here," then one knows where one is...but, one might still be lost.) If one knows nothing except, "I am here," one is wr^e. In my case, I also knew I was in a black hole, so wr^e did not exactly describe my situation.

I wondered if I should call out, and I nearly did. But, on reflection, I felt obliged to adjust my curiosity to a concept called cu`yr in Aeonian. (Cu`yr, roughly: What th--? Oh, never mind. --Ed.)

To wonder if one should call out, and then to call out, would, in effect, be asking a question of oneself, then answering it; in this case, in the affirmative ("Should I call out?" "Yes."). While to wonder if one should call out, and then not to call out, was to maintain the status quo, since the response to one's call would never be known. Still, Ed., this is not strictly cu`yr, which describes the situation where one is curious, but does not want an answer, does not think there is an answer, and so does not ask a question. The circumstance has no parallel in mortality. The nearest comparison might be the question: "What do those bastards in Washington think they're doing?" In truth, one does not think there's an answer to that question and probably doesn't want to hear it if there is. Yet, everyone asks it! Why? Because they wish there was an answer! With cu`yr, on the other hand, the question exists without being asked nor the answer desired. Cu`yr belies the mortal belief that all questions will be answered in Eternity.

At any rate, this black hole was a place where questions were not forthcoming, nor answers desirable.

Ah! My first unasked answer....

So, I kept quiet. I'd have been calling more out of a sense of obligation than anything else, anyway; one calls out when one is lost, right? Besides, I had no reason to expect help from anyone...and I was afraid that I might disturb her.

Her?

Well, yes.

There is this about being a Light; gender is very imprecise, although it certainly exists. The Aeonian word for female, be`fl£, can only be said by a male. Likewise, the word for male, which I am unable even to think, can only be said by a female. This, however, is not a guarantee of gender specificity because those Lights who can say the word be`fl£ have no proof that it refers to females. We only know that there are those who can say be`fl£ and there are those who can say that other word. By tradition, we are males and they are females.

There is one other piece of gender-identifying evidence. I know of no be`fl£-saying Light who has ever inhabited a mortal female. And vice versa. (There are some confused humans who would disagree with me, I know.) Neither is this conclusive evidence since Lights have very little knowledge of mortals, until they become one, then they have very little recollection of being Lights. To further obscure the issue, male and female Lights regard the procreative process identically. That is, the be`fl£-saying Light can as easily imagine bearing a child as being the father. And vice versa. (I say imagine, because Lights don't mate; that is a mortal function.)

I am male, a be`fl£-saying Light.

This other was female...but only incidentally so...as though, if asked, this other would have chosen to be be`fl£, but she hadn't been asked. Not having been asked, she had never addressed the question. (I don't think the question has ever actually been asked of a Light, by the way. Certainly, it had never been asked of me. I am male. That's what I am. There was never any question about it, but neither did anyone particularly care.)

In contrast, mortals are obsessed by the question of gender, as evidenced by the ever-present MALE [] FEMALE [] box on driver's license applications. There are any number of important differences between females and males, but I'm not sure which of these is relevant to the department of motor vehicles. What's more, a growing (or, at least, more visible) segment of the mortal world is ignored by these ostensibly vital questions. The gender box should read: MALE [] FEMALE [] OTHER [] UNSURE [].

The barely-be`fl£ said nothing. I could, however, sense her disapproval, which surprised and alarmed me. I had never met with disapproval from a fellow Light. (The Landlord, yes. A Light, no.) Since I had done nothing that could possibly concern this nearly-be`fl£, I concluded that she disapproved of all be`fl£-saying Lights, generally. I was wrong. I had done something to her. I had arrived. Here. Late.

"You were expected," she spoke.

"I was? I was expected here?"

"You were expected sooner."

"I was expected here sooner?"

"It needn't have been here."

"...but, sooner..." I began.

"...would have been better."

Her tone was familiar. Perhaps she was my wife (in Aeonian, wi.) (Roughly: ball and chain, thunder 'n lighting! --Ed.)

I should stress that this was merely conjecture on my part, cu`yr conjecture, at that. It is only in retrospect that I can acknowledge even the potential for a question of our surmised betrothal. At the time, the existence of the idea of wi might have been recognized by an angel as yet unimagined, who might have briefly ruminated on the possibility that a Light might encounter his wi in an, as yet, unknown portion of the universe at some moment in the past, present, or future, none of which exist. In other words, the question of wi (which Ed., is such an holy and strange condition in Eternity that the mortal notion of wife bears no resemblance to it, while your notion of ball and chain, thunder 'n lightning is a malediction. No mortal can possibly imagine a be`fl£ in the condition of imminent motherhood perpetually, where the possibility of countless offspring is the only impetus for lust, and where one's mate is more desirable than existence. Everything about wi is in contradiction to my earlier statement that be`fl£ and be`fl£-saying Lights regard the procreative process identically. Did I say the existence of Lights is essentially sexless? Wi is to sex what a space probe is to a paper airplane. No be`fl£-saying Light would ever avow to comprehend wi, but they would revere it, fear it, serve it, and finally, and most importantly, disclaim it to protect it. Wi can not be. Wi is.) is moot.

I said, "Well, I'm here, now--"

"Of course you are--let's go."

"I'm ready. Lead the way." I had no idea how I'd follow her, since I'd no idea where she was. She was lost.

The not-quite-be`fl£ displayed instantaneous alarm. "But, you are to show me the way!"

"There's been a misunderstanding, then," I said calmly, still cu`yr. "I'm lost."

"But, I'm lost! I thought you had found me!"

"You are wr^e to me. But, you are still lost. And, I'm lost."

"But, I've been tiimeless!!" (Roughly: Waiting. Click here for a discussion of waiting.) --Ed.)

"Tiimeless!?" I was astounded. This was the final questionless answer.

Contrary to the simple-minded translation offered by Ed., tiimeless! is a state, not of waiting (which, as described in Frog Blankets by the mortal Anna Bell, Jonathan's astounding wife (but not yet a wi) is a state of grace most mortals fail to appreciate) but a state of joyful anticipation of an event so magnificent that one seeks to delay the event in order to prolong the anticipation while single-mindedly pursuing the event. Even in Eternity, tiimeless! is an impossible condition unless some influence outside oneself assists by delaying the event (which delay, if accomplished by oneself would diminish it's importance to the point that tiimeless! would cease). Tiimeless!, it is thought, could be the ultimate state of grace; eternal joy in the eternal pursuit of ---. (The thought can not, of course, be completed. You understand.)

There is, however, another more common, usage of the term. Because tiimeless! has never been experienced by a Light in any other circumstance, it has become virtually synonymous...with birth.

The be`fl£ was about to be born!

And, it appeared that I was her an^hr, the one delaying. Of course! No an^hr is ever aware of his or her role, for the deliberate delay of an event of infinite magnitude would be an act of infinite cruelty! I was here unintentionally, but specifically, to end the be`fl£'s tiimeless!, to precipitate her mortality! I was late, of course!