Time(1): Instantaneous Event Timing: Jonathan Works On His Bullbeep Theory
Working...18720 minutes.
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Jonathan writes:
"So...onto instantaneous event timing:
"As we've seen, Eternity seems to consist only of now, and our location seems to be only in this place since there's no Time(0)to get anywhere else. Thus, it appears that we are stuck here for now, which, with Eternity stretching before us like one of those endless Kansas highways, looks like M(-p) heaven to me; the ultimate monotony. Paradoxically (and thankfully), Eternity provides a means for travel (for lack of a better word) to anyplace we like...driven by the twin engines of memory and anticipation, which are mirror images of each other in the functions they perform. Anticipation permits us to go to our present, while memory allows us to revisit it. Thus, we can be anywhere we like right now...but, without Time(0), what can we do when we get there?
"This question is basic to our understanding of the Universal Principle. On the one hand, if Time(0) existed, anything could happen, including a return to dynastic inertia, the political movement of M(-p) that drove creation to the Big Bang (although the unsavory little buggers are pushing creation in the opposite direction right now). We don't want that. On the other hand, without Time(0), it appears that we can't do anything either, since everything takes Time(0)! (Remember, we are dealing in matters Eternal, here. Time(1) isn't a factor.) And, if we can't do anything, aren't we in a state of entropy? Stasis? Monotony? Dynastic inertia?!
"This presents yet another interesting paradox, i.e., if Eternity exists, then it must not have a beginning, thus we are in Eternity now (there is a tendency, especially among the avidly religious, to think of Eternity as beginning after death, as though Eternity is suspended while we live on earth. Ha!) and thus, there is no Time(0) and thus, nothing can happen and thus, entropy exists. Now.
"But that's not our experience of things, is it? Things seem to be happening all around us. And, while we might acknowledge that Time(0) can't be, there is plenty of evidence of the existence of time(1). In fact, even if time(1) is only a convention used in mortality to keep our appointments straight, it still exerts a lot of authority over us and the cosmos. It's effects appear to be real. Yet, that's impossible, for how does one measure Eternity? As you can see, the argument is beginning to repeat itself.
"Let's not prolong our agony. Let's resolve this mess. It is, oh so simple.
"Time(1) measures a state of action of the matter/energy complex. Time(1) began around the time of the Big Bang...when all the fun started. Time(1) will end when (and if) the universe reaches a state of complete entropy. In other words, as long as there's something going on, time(1) will exist.
"If time(1) ever ends, we'll be in for a l-o-n-g boring time of it, but we won't care. There'll be no thoughts of boredom, since thoughts are action and where there's action there's time(1). (An interesting sidelight and potential doctrinal dissertation: If there's time(1) must there be a watch?) But, as long as time(1) exists, it, not Time(0), will measure and control our actions, as long as we never reach the speed of light!
'Oh no! Another wrinkle!' you cry. 'I thought we were going to clear this up!'
'Don't whine.'
"At the speed of light, time(1) ceases to affect existence and Time(0) takes over. It is at this point that we become Eternal. (At speeds greater than the speed of light, time(1) runs backwards, a moot point since it doesn't matter which direction it runs, as long as it is ticking away.) To remain Eternal, we must exist in Eternity as light, traveling at the speed of light. It is at exactly this point that we have here, now, memory, and anticipation, in other words, immortality.
"Time(1) still exists, as we could prove by slowing to below the speed of light or speeding up above it) but it has no effect on us at the speed of light."
"No effect on us," Jonathan writes again. "None. We are Eternal and we are safe from the Muggers(-p)...sort of....
"There is that little matter of the deficient memory/anticipation posture...."
It's possible, of course, that all the above is bullbeep, but Jonathan doesn't think so.
When Jonathan puts down his pen and turns off the light in his study, God, who is reading Jonathan's thoughts on a ticker tape machine in His study, drops a length of tape to the floor and sighs. He squeezes His eyes shut and pinches the bridge of His nose between his thumb and forefinger. Everybody does that when their eyes are tired.
Jonathan's thoughts have filled all the shelves in the room with cans of tape and several cardboard boxes besides. Many of the cans have been opened and are lying about on the floor. Rolls of ticker tape are stacked upon a big desk, their ends snaking across the carpet so that God has to watch where He steps in order to avoid doing a belly-flop onto the floor.
Sometimes, when He is looking for a particular thought, He has to locate the roll of tape that it's on (no easy task) then follow the tape across and over and through miles of other tape like a movie actor trying to find a ringing telephone beneath his laundry. All this stuff could be contained on one computer diskette, of course, but God is uncomfortable with computers. It could still be picked up and put back on the shelves when He's through with it, though.
When He is certain that Jonathan is done working on his Universal Principle for the night, God picks His way to the door and leaves the study. He's going to have a glass of warm milk...lightly salted and peppered, and with a big glop of real butter melting in it. Concerns about cholesterol never enter His head. (Must be nice.)
In the dim light of the hallway, God looks funny to us. He looks like Harvey Czakowski, who looks nothing like God. It's possible that God is masquerading as Harvey. It's true that He is.
He pauses for a moment, wondering if He should try to talk to Lizzie, who has locked herself in her room since deciding to become Becky again.
"Naw," He decides. "Who needs that kind of grief this time of night."
He heads for the kitchen for His glass of cholesterol. He has to be to work early tomorrow to set up chairs for a school assembly.