Time(1): Interlude With Jonathan and Gretl. They Discuss "The File."
Gretl is languid. She has just spent a very satisfying 17 milliseconds in the historical/pathological section of the sex program. She knows she ought to be looking for Jonathan's lost file (which she still won't admit to him is lost), but she tells herself that she needs to check up on Coition. It is, after all, the quintessential guide to all human behavior even remotely related to sex (which includes everything except crushing wet cardboard and planing doors) in that it successfully quantifies all human behavior, muddies the water with an incredible simulation of the human rationalization process (not easy for Gretl...making human excuses), mixes in several neatly done algorithms predicting female receptiveness based on phases of the moon (in a stroke of programming genius, Jonathan abandoned traditional fairy tales and wrote them in the more earthy tones of Druid fertility legends) and includes 82 variations on male chauvinism and maladjusted ego which Gretl had to write herself, Jonathan being too close to the subject. Now, thanks to her, Coition is being tested as the model for procreation elsewhere...even that of the experimental canister people of the eighth planet from Pollux. Jonathan knows nothing of this. Gretl has seen no point in burdening him with her marketing efforts.
Jonathan couldn't begin to tell you what she did during those 17 brief moments. He's a genius, but that doesn't mean he gets what goes on inside Gretl. Sure, the ones and zeros are easy to understand. And, the nursery rhymes and fairy tales are second nature to him now, as are the mechanical metaphysics involved in the disk drives, motors, and switches. It's the pterodactyls he doesn't get. It's the shop full of broken neon signs. It's dead Becky Blank and his mother, Victoria. (Jonathan has just remembered the dream God gave him at sixteen.)
"I don't get it," he says. "These pterodactyls that hang around you. They must be symbolic of something...."
Gretl sends a lethargic pulse to Jonathan's terminal...not really an answer.
"...but, symbolic of what? Why would a baby pterodactyl try to eat me, then dash his brains out against the side of the great computer? And then show up again inside the computer?" Jonathan pauses to deliberate. "Unless it wasn't the same pterodactyl! That's a possibility. Hmmmmm...two pterodactyls. What would that mean?"
"Can we talk about something else?" Gretl asks.
"My missing file? Is that a good subject?"
"Get your paws off my keyboard."
"That's what I thought. Now. Two pterodactyls. That changes everything, doesn't it?"
"I suppose so." Gretl isn't interested.
"So, how does it change everything?" There's no answer, so he continues, "It changes everything because now there are two pterodactyls. Wait! More than two! There was another one in here the night sex disappeared--"
Gretl fidgets. "Don't let that happen again, Hansel," she warns.
"--and God said He'd been rounding up a shipment of them. Got pterodactyl dung on his boots, Anna said. So, there's even more--"
"--pathetic behavior," Gretl interjects, "playing cowboy while creation grinds to a halt--"
"Well, don't forget, we don't have all the facts."
"Bug crap," Gretl says. "Here's your fact: the guy's got a screw loose. Now, leave me alone."
"I'll admit He challenges our notion of the infallible Deity, but--"
"Challenges! When the word gets out that He fed you Elmer's Glue and erasers--"
"--infallibility isn't what we think it is."
"Who says?"
"Well...He does."
"Ha! Excuses! Evasions! Cover-ups!"
"Where's my file?"
"We were discussing my pterodactyls...."
"Now we're discussing the missing file. C'mon, Gretl. It's no sin to lose a file. I don't even care about it..."
"Then, why're we discussing it?"
"He cares about it. He thinks I killed Becky Blank."
"Who's that? Wait...is she the sexy bimbo who entered all my nice data? I liked her!" Gretl pauses. "You mean you killed her? I thought you just fired her!"
"Slow down! She's not the same Becky...I don't think," he adds, recalling God's assertion that Becky Blank isn't dead anymore. "Anyway, she quit. I didn't fire her or kill her. I loved her!"
"Oh, yeah," Gretl says. "I remember. Heh, heh. Boy, you two sure mashed the carpet--"
"All right! All right!"
"So, the Nut thinks you killed this Becky, huh? You mean, He doesn't know whether you did or not?"
"It's a long story, Gretl. But, the answer might be in that file."
Silence.
"Gretl?"
"What is it? I'm busy."
"The file?"
"I'm...not quite done with it, yet."
"Now, Gretl--"
"Leave me alone! I'm busy! I have more to do than run up evaluations on maniacal programmers! I've got to run this place! Profit statements are due. Taxes! The family leave stuff! 125(c)! 401(k)! Health insurance is killing us! I need more time!"
"I could help you find it, maybe..."
"It's not lost!"
"He's coming to get it, Gretl."